Why is it named A Bit Of My Rebellious Side?

This is basically my blog for all that I'm going through with PCOS.

I call this my Rebellious Side, because I was told I couldnt have kids. I want to prove them all WRONG!!!!

I want to warn you that this blog will be very shocking to a few people. First, understand, that I realize this. And please dont jusdge me for the hardships Ive gone through in life. I have been freed. Delivered. Redeemed. And if you dont understand it, dont get mad. Talk to God about it. I did not give every detail in this blog. There are LOTS of things I did not tell the "whole story" to save you time. This blog is to be about my battle with PCOS and how we are TTC #4. We all have our own battles, our own issues, our own ways of going through life. I dont judge you, please be kind to me.

If you have questions feel free to ask! But know, that if you ask, I will tell. So you may wanna be careful what you ask me! LOL

This is my breif history about how we got to where we are today....

I am married with 3 kids..... read on!!

1st Pregnancy - year 2000
At 15 years old, I was extremly suicidal. I had 2 weeks clean of being off of cocaine and my life was pointless. My dealer/boyfriend had been busted 2 weeks ago, and I didnt know where to get more. So, instead of drugs, I turned to sex to "get my fix". I was driving around and saw a guy who I used to work with walking down the street. Pulled over and gave him a ride to my house. He told me he just got out of rehab. I thought, we have something in common.... Anyways, he needed a place to sleep and I was lonely, so he stayed at my house. (Now, I know you are all wondering where was your MOTHER??? She worked the night shift and was only home to sleep. She was a single mom with 3 kids, all she did was work and sleep, never had a clue what was going on with me. When she did, she just kept going.... What can I say? She did the best she knew how and I love her no matter our past)

So, to continue on, we had sex. Unprotected.

I told him I hadnt had a period in 3 months, I already thought I was pregnant so he could just do his business in me. Which was the truth. So he did. I told him I was going to the bathroom to wash myself out. That wasnt the truth. Well, instead, I went to the bathroom and prayed.

Mind you, I was not a Christian at this time. In fact, when I prayed, all I said was, "I dont know what Your name is, I dont know who You are, I dont know anything about you, but I'm ready to kill myself. Give me a reason to live"

Now I DONT recommend this method to ANYONE who is TTC, well, basically cuz God knows your heart and He knows when you are testing Him. I DO RECOMMEND PRAYING, just not threatening with suicide..... He knew my heart. For 2 weeks straight after that I went to the local Planned Pregnancy and had a test done. Back then, they were free.

I knew I was pregnant. And if I was wrong, I was gone. So, the nurse walks in a tells me "your pregnant".

I fainted.

Yup. Passed out. They had to use the smelling salts 2x on me to wake me up. When I came to, I was on the floor. I looked up and the nurse had her hands full of pregnancy tests. She said, "Im sorry it took so long, they were all just so light that I thought they were false tests until my boss told me they were all positive..."

I dont remember anything after that. I was planning on going home to kill myself before I knew this information, now my entire life had changed. God answered my prayer.

My son weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce, 16 inches long, and was 3 weeks early. That was the first time I ever knew that God was real. I didnt tell anyone about that until about 3 years ago. My son is now turning 9 yrs old next month.

So many boring details..... I was in a relationship for a few years, that turned abusive, physically and mentally to me and my son... Stress was very high. I was 19 by this time and my periods were very rare. We werent using protection and if I ever thought I was pregnant I would wait at least a few months before testing. They were always negative. Never thought anything was wrong. Thought all women were like that. I didnt know to say anything to anyone, so no one ever corrected me....

Diagnoses - year 2003
Anyways, 4 months went by without a period. That was no big deal, that was normal for me. But this time was different. My uterus was bulging really really far out and I was cramping so bad I couldnt stand up. I tried going to work and they all told me to go to the dr. So I did.

I went in and she gave me a pregnancy test.

Negative. Which I told her I wasnt pregnant. Something was wrong. She laid me on the sonography chair. She just didnt believe that I wasnt pregnant. She said, "you look like you are about 4 months pregnant and all of your symptoms say pregnant. Not all women will have a positive urine test."

She did the sono, no baby in there.... like I told her. So she ran blood work and put it on 'stat'.

The next day she tells me I need to come in for another sonogram. I go in, to find out that I have approximately 1,000 cysts per square inch all over my ovaries, fallopian tubes, and uterus. We needed to do surgery to remove them, and she was also going to check for endometriosis while she was 'down there'. So we went in I think it was 2 days later, not sure now, its been too many years... They did a laproscopy. Scraped out most of the cysts, cleaned out tons of scar tissue and confirmed Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome with NO Endometriosis. She put me on birth control pills for 3 months and when I went back to get checked all cysts had cleared. So, I thought that meant I had been cured...........

2nd pregnancy - yr 2004
So I got off the birth control.

To make an extremly long story shortened by many years and emotional trauma, my mom was keeping my son every day she could and I was having a hard time leaving my boyfriend. *My selfesteem was extremly low and I had already lost most of my friends to support me through leaving him.* I was unable to pay some tickets.... well a BUNCH of tickets, and ended up in jail to sit out the fines.

While in jail (my son stayed with my ex step father - dont worry, he was safe) I found out I was pregnant. Not just pregnant. But 4 months pregnant per the jail house sonographer. After my time was served I went straight to the Ob/Gyn. Yup, 4 months pregnant, with a girl. She was born at 7 pounds 1 ounce and 17 inches long.

Sometime after that I went to the Dr for a check up. They had asked me if I had ever had surgery, and I told them about my laproscopy and that I was cured of PCOS after I got off birth control. I was quickly corrected. "PCOS is not curable." they said "It has its good times, and its bad times. Mostly bad."

So, thats when I found out all about a regular cycle. I was SHOCKED!!! I did TONS of research and then found out jsut how bad my PCOS was, and how it was absolutely INCREDIBLE that I had 2 babies when I "shouldnt" be able to have any!!!!

Lets skip a bunch of time - I left that guy and sought counseling, parenting classes, mentorship, and many many self help classes, and yes, finally a few churches. In some of those places I met up with a man whom I fell in love with. He was a Christian and played the bass for his church and invited me to go with him. This is where I fell head over heals in love with Jesus and my new boyfriend. :D

3rd pregnancy - yr 2006
We got married in front of God and my husbands mom, dad and sister in June 2006, then got married in front of everyone in September 2006.

After this second ceremony, we went on our honeymoon. We got pregnant just 3 months after being married! I figured this guy had super sperm or something! We decided to have an at home birth with a midwife. Well, she clipped my uterus while trying to break my water and I stopped dilating and had to be rushed to the ER where my daughter then had her shoulder stuck in my hips and the nurse LITERALLY had to JUMP on my uterus with one knee on top of her hands and PUSH her out. UGH! She was FINALLY born weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds 6 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was huge!

Second diagnoses - 2009
Well, to make this story short also, after having my third baby, I never stopped bleeding. I just kept bleeding. And kept bleeding. And then bled some more.

Stopped for 2 weeks at one point, then bled again.

We were wanting to have another baby right after this baby and planned on having a big family. We were financially pretty well off and everyone was happy.... So when the bleeding wouldnt stop after 6 months I got really aggrevated.

I went to a Homeopathic Dr who put me on TONS of herbal meds and all I did was clot and bleed some more. Clot and bleed some more. I tried this for a year, because I knew with herbal remedies it always takes a long time, so I had more patience, plus, I was doing something about it, so it was easier.

Anyways, after a year of nothing changing, I decided to drop that dr and go see my family practitioner who Ive seen since my first diagnoses. He recommended me to an Ob/Gyn.

I saw a different one.

I was put on Birth Control for 6 months to get my body back into 'normal mode' LOL. After getting off the birth control, I continued to bleed. I would stop for a few days but then bleed some more.

They did blood work on me and sonograms, a biopsy of my endometrium and put me on Provera.

It was then that I was told that I have Mennorhgia. Which basically means excessive bleeding.

Evidentally it happens to women who have PCOS. Huh? I never read that anywhere! SO come to find out, not every woman with PCOS will have Mennorhgia, but most women with Mennorhgia have PCOS also.

So, anyways, they put me on Provera 10 days. I kept bleeding. 10 more days.... day 8 or should I say "18" I finally stopped bleeding. I was then put on Clomid to induce a normal ovualtion. It worked! 2 years of bleeding later, I ovulated! So we are now on our second round of Clomid and you are up to date. :D LOL Hope I didnt bore you.